During a recent health check by my
employer, I was given the devastating news that I have the hearing of a person
‘in her sixties’ - the devastating thing being that I’m not 60, but in fact 37.
Has my hearing loss been a result of loud machinery in my workplace, the nurse
asked? Sighing, I admitted ‘Noooo’, shaking my head sadly. I had to admit to
her that the blame lies fairly and squarely with new wave romantic pop in the
80s, grunge rock in the 90s, and dance music in the noughtes. It was the
Walkman, the Discman, the Ipod - all turned up loud, 25 odd years of musical
and technological history slowly eroding my hearing. I've got to say - I'm
truly lamenting the fact that I'm now too deaf to appreciate the most recent
musical genius of 2012, Psy and Gangnam style. Oh, the inhumanity!
But seriously, a chill grips my heart
when I think of how I'll be explaining to my daughter in twenty years time that
the reason why I have to sit virtually on top of her to hear her is all because
I loved to listen to Madonna's "Vogue" really loudly back in 1989 on
my Sony Walkman. ‘Madonna?’ she'll ask, of the 70 year old singer, still touring. ‘That lady with all the
crazy muscles?’ Indeed, I'll shake my head and wonder – was it really worth the
permanent damage to my ears?
Regrets, yep I have a few. Why did I not
have the foresight in the 80s to snaffle all of Grandpa's mint condition 1960s
furniture? I could be sitting on a pot of gold now, negotiating inflated prices
with hipsters throughout Sydney and Melbourne, desperate to pay a ridiculous sum
for a formica kitchen table that you would have had to pay to have taken to the
tip back in 1988. Where was the foresight??!
Well, I was probably studying too hard
back then to have given it any kind of thought. And I regret that too. What was
the point of all those hours studying those Arts subjects to never, ever, ever
have any employer look at the actual results. I only needed one word for that
CV - "PASS". Gee…all that time wasted in Sydney Uni library when I
could have been partying with the St John's College guys. Hmmm,
actually....scrap that thought.
But speaking of education - I regret
wasting so much time in high school slagging off anything fun as totally ‘uncool’,
and avoiding anything extra-curricular like the plague. Why didn't I do the school
musical, the plays, the Rock Eisteddfod? Back then it was all too Mr G for this
surly teen, slowly degrading her hearing with The Cure turned up loud in the ear
phones, and sneering at the drama club. But what I wouldn't give now to be
swapping the adult ‘thrill’ of yet another sedate dinner party, with the
prospect of three weeks of rehearsals with zillions of friends, spirit fingers,
sequined costumes, and themed choreography... Oh to be young again! Sadly, there
is no way that there'll be a chance at a Rock Eisteddfod now at 37. I’m afraid
that glittered cardboard backdrop ship has sailed...
So regrets, I have a few. And I will
never have 100 per cent hearing again - I can't turn back time. But maybe I should
start turning the volume down now so I can save what hearing I do have left.
Because God knows I don’t want to miss out hearing with clarity what will be
the latest music fad when I’m at least a spectator at my children’s future Rock
Eisteddfod.
